10 Kinky Sex Ideas That Are Super-Easy To Try

You own a scarf, right?


Macaela MacKenzie |

Okay first things first: Kinky sex isn’t just about spanking.

Not that spanking is off limits or anything… Kink includes a whole spectrum of behaviours beyond BDSM (bondage, discipline, dominance and submission, and sadomasochism) though. It could involve anything from role playing, to blindfolds and feathery props, to having a threesome, or even doing some Broad City-style pegging .

“Kink is a broad term that generally refers to sexual practices that are ‘non-normative’ in that they extend beyond typical or common sexual behaviours,” explains Dr. Michael Aaron, a certified sex therapist and sexologist in New York.

The biggest rule: If you and your partner are both interested in kinky sex, have an open conversation about what it is about kink that’s a turn-on, and what you’re comfortable trying, says Dr. Jenni Skyler, a certified sex therapist and sexologist, and director of The Intimacy Institute in Colorado. “Having a game plan and setting up a safe word is important,” she says.

From there,“take baby steps,” says Skyler. “Enjoy it, get acclimated, and then take a few more baby steps. Keep exploring until you find what feels good for you.”

1. Watch a kinky movie.

If you’re not quite ready to dive in, watching a movie with an element of kink can be a great place to get some ideas, according to the experts (not to mention, a perfect way to heat up movie night). Just don’t make it porn, advises Skyler. “There are a lot of really bad and unsafe examples of BDSM in porn,” she explains.

For the record, the experts also don’t recommend 50 Shades of Grey, since not everyone in the kink community agrees with the way BDSM is portrayed in the film. Instead, cue up The Secretary on Netflix, advises Aaron.

Watch: 8 Bondage Sex Positions For When You Want To Get A Little Kinky

2. Grab a blindfold.

Chances are, you have a scarf, a sleep mask, or a tie laying around your bedroom somewhere—tying one on deprives you (or your partner) of one of your main senses, making all the others—touch, taste, smell, sound—all the more electrifying. “In doing this, you can experience pleasure in a different way,” explains David Ortmann, a psychotherapist and sex therapist in New York and California. Blindfolding also underscores a kinky power imbalance, he says, leaving your partner at the mercy of your touch.

3. Play with a simple restraint.

On that note, belts, ties, and scarfs can also be an easy, un-intimidating way to experiment with restraint (a.k.a. bondage). “Really, trying it out is as simple as using a bandana or scarf to restrain someone’s hands,” Ortmann says.

You can also pick up a beginner’s kink kit that includes things like blindfolds and fuzzy handcuffs, says Skyler. “Most sexuality stores sell beginner packages that also include things like a feather on a stick for sensation play or a soft flogger for spanking,” she says.

Watch: Use These 5 BDSM Toys To Introduce Some Kink Into Your Sex Life

4. Go to a sex dungeon.

Before you freak out, BDSM dungeons can actually be a great place to observe kinky sex from the sidelines—the experts really recommend them. “Many local dungeons have beginner classes where you can practice things like rope tying and spanking,” says Skyler. This is also a great place to learn some kink safety tips.

But if you draw the line at the word “dungeon,” check out classes on kink that are offered by your local sex-positive sex shop to pick up some kinky tips in the bright light of day.

5. Start spanking.

Spanking can be a surprisingly intimate way to get into kink. “It can be something that’s actually bonding because it’s tactile and involves skin-to-skin ,” explains Ortmann. “But it also involves a power exchange.” Start light—a swat with your hand or a fuzzy padded flogger from your local sex-positive shop can be a good way to ease into things.

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