3 Kinky AF Ways To Start Experimenting With BDSM


Karomaza |

By Anna Davies; Photography by Pixabay

So you wanna get kinky?

Whether we’re just more willing to let our freak flag fly these days or Christian Grey has something to do with it, our survey of 6 700 men and women found that nearly twice as many women as men (19 percent versus 11 percent) said “light bondage/kink” is what they want more of in the bedroom.

The gender distinction is intriguing. “Women finally feel equal to men in many areas,” says male sexuality specialist Daniel Lebowitz. “They know they’re not subordinate.” That has freed us up to play with being submissive – now that it’s clearly just play.

Not into such sex games yourself? No worries, no judgment. But if this starts you thinking, consider that you may already be incorporating a little BDSM into your routine without realising it. For instance, bringing a person to the edge of orgasm and stopping briefly to prolong things is a form of “orgasm denial” in BDSM-speak.

To explore more, use this beginner’s guide:

1. Listen in

Downloading a podcast that deals with BDSM themes, like “Modern Love” or “Savage Love”, can open the door to talking about your own turn-ons, says Kendra Holliday, blogger at Thebeautifulkind.com. Or watch a lite-kink (mainstream) film, like Secretary, to see the psychological elements involved.

Watch: 5 Things You’re Scared To Try In Bed… That’ll Actually Blow Your Mind

2. Put it in writing

There are apps that prompt you both to share your desires via fill-in-the-blank quizzes; Holliday recommends or . “Sometimes, writing things down is a lot easier than saying them.”

Watch: Everything You Need To Know About ‘Golden Showers’

3. Go shopping

If you both decide you’re interested, visit your local sex-toy shop together. You’ll see tons of BDSM toys that will spark your imagination. Many shops employ sexual educators and also offer workshops that will bring a blush to both your cheeks.

With kink (and toys!), every situation is different, so use judgment and caution when playing.

Thinking of experimenting with anal? Or already playing but not sure if you’re doing it right? Here’s what nine women wish they knew about anal sex – before they tried it.

Watch ON: BDSM Bondage Fetish Sex Sex Sex Tips Sex Toys