What Your Wedding Day is ACTUALLY Like


Karomaza |

By Korin Miller

Our marriage expert gets real about your big day. To help you better prep for the day, here’s a breakdown of what many women expect on their wedding day vs. what actually goes down.

The day you get married is filled with people bowing down at the altar of your beauty, while rainbows and butterflies flutter out of every orifice. Err, not exactly. While your wedding day will no doubt be amazing, the pressure to make it the ‘Best Day Ever’ is a little intense, not to mention a serious buzz kill.

It’s not always pretty, but one thing’s for sure: You’re getting married to someone you love, and nothing trumps that.

The Morning Of

Expectation: You’ll gently awaken to the sound of doves cooing outside your window, prepping you for a morning of delicate pampering and relaxation.

Reality: You’ve been up since 4a.m., thanks to a combo of nerves, excitement, and the realisation that you’re about to make the single most important decision of your life. You still feel like you’re in high school – who decided you’re adult enough to do this?! Oh…yeah, you did.

Watch: Do you have realistic expectations of marriage?

Your Hair and Makeup

Expectation: You will wake up looking like. You will be Gisele Bundchen for the day, Brazilian accent and all. No, screw that. You will be the most attractive woman EVER. It’s a shame you’re about to go off the market because every man wants a piece of that.

Reality: Oh, hey – that zit you’ve been fending off for days decided to RSVP for the big day. And your hairdresser apparently decided that the tightly-braided velociraptor look is in, because your coif is giving “Jurassic Park” a run for its money. But that’s okay; you look like a really gorgeous and classy velociraptor.

Your Bridesmaids

Expectation: You every whim will be catered to by your adoring coterie of best friends and token soon-to-be-in-law. You will want for nothing.

Reality: Everyone’s so worried about how(haha-just kidding! You picked the best dresses ever!) looks that they don’t have as much time for, um, you. At least one of them will annoy the crap out of you, and money’s on the token in law.

Watch: The 5 love languages could transform your relationship. Here’s how…

Your Vows

Expectation: Delicate tears will slide down your cheeks as your husband-to-be professes his love in the most poetic, moving speech you’ve ever heard. Your own vows will be equally moving. The officiant will retire on the spot because no one can ever love as deeply as you two.

Reality: You both know you wrote them the night before, after going to the rehearsal dinner and downing a gallon of MCC. But it’s cool – you get that while his notes clearly say “lkjdoi lijli”, he really means “I’ll love you forever.”

The First Kiss

Expectation: Fireworks will shoot out of both of your lips, culminating in a lightshow that rivals the Fourth of July. This kiss will set the stage for the rest of your marriage.

Reality: He goes for ; you aim for a grandma-appropriate extended peck. Meeting in the middle ain’t always pretty.

The Photos

Expectation: have got nothing on you. You’re going to break Instagram with your wedding photo awesomeness.

Reality: You’ll be forced to do cheesey poses even your primary school self would balk at. Peeking around a tree at each other? Wandering off alone in a field of wheat while your new husband stares adoringly from a distance? Have fun with that.

Watch: 6 foundations that will last the whole night.

The First Dance

Expectation: You’ve seen the finale of Sleeping Beauty – you’ll float around the dance floor with the grace of a million Auroras gliding on a rainbow-filled cloud.

Reality: This is awkward. What the hell is everyone staring at?! Also, while incredibly sweet and the best husband ever; your man apparently didn’t get the Sleeping Beauty memo. Yep, should have rehearsed this.

The Food

Expectation: You agonised over the menu and sat through multiple tastings to make sure the food is absolutely perfect. Now that you don’t have to worry about fitting in your dress, you’re going to do some serious chowing down.

Reality: Between reception duties and thanking everyone for coming, you’ll have time to scarf down a passed hors d’oeuvre, if you’re lucky.

Watch: “These are the 4 most important things I learnt from my second marriage.”

The Cake Cutting

Expectation: After a little playful banter, you’ll delicately feed each other a slide of heavenly wedding cake, followed by a gentle kiss.

Reality: The man you pledged to love and protect for all of eternity will probably shove cake in your face. Just go with it.

Wedding Night Sex

Expectation: You’ll have multiple orgasms on a rose petal-strewn bed, surrounded by a ring of flickering candles. Afterward, you’ll gently wipe his tears away while he thanks you for giving him a night of sex hotter than he could ever imagine.

Reality: You’ll wind up together in bed naked…but only because your pyjama-locating skills went out the window around the time you had your fifth glass of bubbly. You have a whole lifetime of hot sex in front of you, but right now, you’re freaking tired.

Looking for more wedding tips? You might want to check this out: Got Serious Cold Feet?

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