Here’s Exactly How To Talk To Your SO About Couples’ Toys
If you spend time with your battery-operated-partner only when your real SO isn’t around, you’re both missing out – yep, sex toys aren’t just for masturbation.
That said, it can be intimidating to bring a toy into partner play. You don’t want your SO to think you’re implying they’re bad in bed, after all. But just remember: toys are not a crutch for sub-par sex, they’re a way to make it even hotter.
Not only do women who use sex toys report a host of perks (like finally getting that clit stimulation needed to achieve an orgasm), but guys say vibes increase sexual desire, erectile and orgasmic function, and intercourse satisfaction, says Dr Debby Herbenick, author of Sex Made Easy.
“Sex toys, from couples vibrators, solo vibrators and everything in-between, can provide couples with new ways of increasing bonding and intimacy through new experiences,” says Liz Klinger, women’s sexual health expert and founder of Lioness, a smart vibrator for self-experimentation.
Still freaked by the idea of busting out a vibe? Follow these steps:
1. Start With Some Real Talk
Don’t bring up the topic mid-sex, but do sit down and have an honest convo about it. “Start by giving your partner a genuine compliment,” says Dr Kristie Overstreet, a clinical sexologist and psychotherapist. “Share with them that you have been wondering what it would be like to try something new.” Most importantly, you want your partner to understand that sex toys are not a threat to your relationship.
From there, Klinger suggests you “gauge their reaction first, talk about it and then make a decision.” And realise, “there’s a chance that they may not want a sex toy and that’s fine too,” she says. “There are plenty of other ways to explore and be intimate together.”
2. Go Shopping
Okay, so your SO’s down to give it a go – the next step is establishing how you’ll go about finding a toy. You can either go alone and choose a toy yourself or invite your partner along.
“See if they even want to shop for one with you and make it a date,” says Klinger. As much as you may want to surprise them, “you may want their input on what they’d like to use so your gift won’t collect dust in the drawer.”
That said, don’t be offended if they don’t want to come shopping with you. If they feel a little too embarrassed to hit up a sex shop, go buy that toy you’ve been itching to try.
3. Choose The Right Gear
You’ll want to pick the right toy if this is your first time out. Overstreet says a vibrator is good starting point, since they’re probably the most familiar option to sex toy newbies.
And when it comes to picking a toy, vibe or otherwise, Klinger suggests something small and easy to manoeuvre.
These five options are perfect for taking the plunge.
R1 595, Matildas
This double-ended dildo will brighten up your day with its vibrant hue and its ability to get you and your girl climaxing. The two ends have different finishes – one ribbed (for your pleasure!) and the other smooth. Designed for girl-on-girl action, this funky, flexible toy even has a middle wave that provides added clitoral stimulation. Go on… Get yours.
R1 475, Matildas
Mix things up with this vibrator that’s designed for your guy to wear. How it works: he positions the piece on his penis so that the base lies against his scrotum and the ears lean against you. There are three separate motors – one in the base and one in each of the ears – that vibrate according to seven different patterns. It’s also waterproof, so why not take it into the shower with you?
R2 399, Désir
Another goodie for female couples, this strapless strap-on has two separate motors so that each girl gets some of the vibing action. To use, the wearer clenches her vaginal muscles around the egg-shaped end before inserting the other end into her partner. It’s USB-rechargeable and offers up to seven hours of playtime, so an o-mazing time is guaranteed. Get vibey, baby!
R3 345, Matildas
Perfect for clitoral and G-spot stimulation for you, the We-Vibe Sync also provides vibrations for your guy. All you have to do is slip the flatter side inside of you so that the toy is also able to stimulate your clitoris, then your guy can penetrate you and you can carry on as normal. And don’t worry, it’s adjustable design means that it won’t move if you change positions.
R2 300, PassionFruit.co.za
Designed for men to wear during sex, the Oden 2 comes with a SenseMotion wireless remote control that allows you to change vibrations with the tilt of your hand. It’s fully waterproof and has eight different patterns that range from a light vibration to an intense pulse. Beware: once you start, you won’t want to stop.