7 Things No One Tells You About Hooking Up with Another Woman for the First Time
Even though experimenting with someone of the same sex isn’t as taboo as it used to be, playing for the home team when you’re a rookie can be downright daunting. Not only do you need to figure out how to work a whole new set of equipment (a.k.a. her V-zone), you have to navigate new sexual hygiene protocols, too. And that can be challenging.
“While the sensuality of girl-on-girl sexually appeals to the public at large, the stigma to the individual woman remains,” says New Jersey-based gynae Dr. Afriye Amerson. In fact, women who hit the sheets with other women are less likely to openly discuss their sex lives with their health care provider and are more likely to have poorer sexual health as a result, says Amerson.
“More discussion on the key concerns and issues for women in this category isn’t only appropriate, it’s needed,” says Amerson.
To fill that need—and get the party started—here are seven things to keep in mind for a hot and healthy (same-)sex life:
1. Protect Yourself
No, you don’t have to worry about getting knocked up, but STDs are still fair game. “The perception that sexually transmissible disease are unlikely between women is false,” says Amerson. That’s why it’s uber-important to use barrier protection whenever appropriate, such as a dental dam for oral sex. “The dental dams protect against viral infections like HIV or herpes, as well as bacterial and parasitic infections like crabs or scabies,” says Amerson.
2. Start with Her Skin
“Skin is a sensory organ that helps her get much more turned on than if you were to head straight for her nether regions, dude-bro style,” says Dr. Carol Queen, staff sexologist for Good Vibrations. Put your hands on the sides of her face when you’re kissing her, then slide them all the way down her body. “Pay attention to her intakes of breath or sounds of enjoyment and remember those places for more focused attention later,” suggests Queen.
3. Find Out What She Likes
“Oral and finger-banging aren’t the only tools in your sexual arsenal,” says Dr. Jess O’Reilly, resident sexologist and relationship expert for Astroglide. “Women who have sex with women can engage in a huge range of sexual activities—like clitoral rubbing (with fingers or toys), anal play, nipple and breast play, spanking, grinding, and erotic massage—just to name a few. “Start by trying the things you enjoy in the sack on her, and pay attention to the way she reacts to make adjustments.
Also, take note of the sex toys she prefers, which may reflect her specific desires in bed, adds O’Reilly. For example, a curved toy to stimulate her G-spot could indicate she likes penetration, while a small bullet to use against her clitoris might mean she likes to focus on her C-zone. You could also ask her to touch herself and use it as a learning opportunity.
4. Let Her Control the Clit Play
“While the clitoris is central to female arousal and orgasm, it’s not like a buzzer,” says Queen. “Many clits are so sensitive that if you touch them too roughly too soon, you’ll cause irritation.” Instead, start with lighter touches and ask her if she wants more, faster, or harder. Let her call the shots from the jump.
5. Try This G-Spot Move
You can have sex with or without vaginal insertion, but many women prefer fingers or a toy inside them—in which case, you may as well curve your fingers for a little G-spot action. “Not every woman’s G-spot is erotically sensitive, but exploring her vagina with a focus toward the front wall may awaken the slumbering spot,” says Queen.
Curve your fingers toward her belly button, adding lube so that you can stroke firmly (without enough wetness, the move won’t feel as good).
6. Wrap Up Your Sex Toys
As you might have guessed, swapping sex toys can lead to swapping STDs, not to mention that it can disrupt your vagina’s pH balance (cue the yeast infection). Always clean your toys before exchanging them with a partner, and cover them with a fresh condom (one condom for you, one condom for her) for added protection. Now let’s go exploring!
7. Go for a Blended Orgasm
Women’s orgasms come in many forms, so there’s a bevy of ways you can get her off. But the skill you really want to master is the art of the blended orgasm—because it feels awesome. “If you stimulate two erogenous zones at once, you can boost her arousal level and get more of her neurology involved,” says Queen. That could mean clit vaginal stimulation, clit anal (just don’t use the anal hand to stimulate her clit), clit or vagina nipple, even genital kissing. The possibilities are endless.
Looking for more? Follow our lesbians guide to amazing orgasms.
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