6 Shameless Things We Do On Our Period
By Mary Patterson Broome
We have no shame admitting to doing the following during our period. Is it over yet?
Once a month our bodies like to remind us that we can make babies. Yes, it’s a privilege, but it can also be a slight inconvenience, to put it gently. To not put it gently: Every 27 to 30days, many of us are in HELL. We’ve all got different ways of dealing with our periods, but there are certainly some universal go-to behaviours. We’ve compiled a list of things we often do during our monthly bleeds – that we have no shame admitting to.
There is never enough salt and sugar available when Aunt Flo’s in town. And you have no issue saying things like “Aunt Flo’s in town” when taking down a tub of ice cream while your significant other/office mate looks on with horror.
Announcing You’ve Got It
When we need a tampon, we will go to great lengths to acquire it, even if that means marching right into the office of Nonhlanhla from Accounting, to whom you’ve never previously spoken, to see if she’s got product on her person.
Going for the Granny Panties
Yup, we’ve all got underwear designated for the ole’ menstrual cycle. There is no shame in that game – what’s the sense in ruining every pair of undies with bloodstains when you can instead sacrifice a few brave granny panties to endure the inevitable menstrual party every four weeks?
Avoiding the Gym/Moving at All
You’re bloated, bleeding and more than likely, a little weepy. The treadmill would be on par with a torture chamber. Even though exercise might lift the mood, you can’t bring yourself to lift your body weight. You hunker down on the sofa until you’ve at least transitioned to a light flow tampon. You’re not some sort of Olympian.
Wondering, “Am I Crazy?”
It never fails, you know that it’s PMS or your period in full swing causing you to violently sob at the sight of a puppy or the shoulder brush of a stranger who says “excuse me” a little too harshly, but that doesn’t stop you from thinking you’re having a meltdown. When your emotions finally even out, you have the reoccurring revelation that you are indeed a level-headed woman whose hormones got the best of her. Then the whole scene repeats itself next month. Ah, the ability to bear children, such a weird gift!
Two Words: Foetal Position
Under the desk at your office, on the floor of your bathroom – even a park bench will have to suffice sometimes. When severe cramps hit, you’re suddenly able to perfectly replicate the position you maintained for nine months in your mother’s womb. For the women blessed with pain-free periods, be grateful you get to avoid going through cases of Myprodol and/or always knowing the latest in heating pad technology.